If you're a man, you hunt chocolates
by Darkano95
Summary: Valentine treat. LuNa and ZoRo. Mostly humor.


**Here's the Valentine treat. Even if forever single citizens like me wish you a good day, I don't think it will make you happy but allow me to say it. Happy Valentine's Day ^^**

The Straw-Hats were currently at Zou Island after their fight with Donquixote Doflamingo and the Donquixote family. News of Dressrosa's incident went around the world and Luffy's fame went up again. After being reunited with Nami's group and Trafalgar Law's crew at Zou, the two pirate crew partied until they collapsed. The next day, at dawn, an overly hyped (and irritated) cook yelled at everyone.

"Hey shitty guys! Wake up! There is some urgent business," Sanji said.

"Hmm...What's wrong shitty cook? …Still angry that you weren't in the news, that your bounty didn't go up, and that your wanted poster didn't change?" smirked Zoro as he listed the things that made Sanji pissed since they regrouped.

"Shut up! There is something important going at town. By the way, Nami-san and Robin-chan are not here. They also went to town while we were sleeping. Only the guys are here so I need to make an announcement." Sanji took a cigarette out of his pocket.

"What's wrong?" asked the Heart Pirates captain, Trafalgar Law, as he walked toward them. "Don't tell me that... Kaido is already coming for us ?"

"No…," said Sanji as his face was shadowed. "It's an even worse matter…"

At that moment someone woke up with a scream.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

The rest of the crews were startled by that scream and they all began to wake up.

"What's wrong Usopp?" asked Chopper as he ran toward him to see if he had any problem.

Usopp was shaking like a leaf as he said, "No…, it's just… I had a dream... something worse than Kaido came to kill us and we were all slaughtered in our sleep."

"Worse than Kaido?!" yelled Chopper.

"Yeah…" Usopp then smiled to him. "But that's just some dream, and even if something like that come to fight us, I, the Great Captain Usopp will beat him with a single finger!" He said proudly, which was obviously a lie.

"Oh Usopp you're great!" And Chopper obviously believed him.

"Then I think it's your time to shine." Usopp heard and turned to Zoro, Law and Sanji as they all had a serious face.

"What's wrong with you guys?" Franky asked. "You look tense."

"We need to assemble everyone. Looks like Sanji-ya have something important to say," Law told them.

As everyone assembled near Sanji (who was standing on the railing), Luffy whined for food but was ignored, so he decided to just eat the left-over for now.

"Listen shitty guys! Today is the day when we must use everything we have to prove the world that we are men." When Sanji said that, Franky, Usopp, Chopper, Brook, Luffy, Bepo, Shachi and Penguin of the Heart Pirates nodded (all not having a clue about what's happening) while Law and Zoro furrowed their brows.

But then again, Law calmly said, "I understand that you want to prove yourself but we can't haste here. If we take even one wrong step, we are all doomed. We must wait and challenge another time."

Sanji's visible eye twitched "You tell me to run! I won't! If I run away here…, I won't be able to call myself a man anymore!"

At those words Franky stood up. "If you say that much I won't back down too. I will take any opponents that stand before me… as a man."

"YEAH!" cheered the others beside Zoro and Law.

"Mugiwara-ya! It's too soon to start a war now. And I already told you that we will separate here since I broke the alliance," Law yelled to Luffy.

Luffy grinned. "It's fine Tra-guy! We had a party so you guys are officially in my crew."

"Don't decide that on your own!"

"And I don't remember breaking the alliance. Don't make decision on your own. I decided to not break it so you guys will be my nakama."

"You're the one who is making decision on your own! And you still don't understand the meaning of "alliance"!" Law yelled again.

Brook spoke up, "Well, I don't seem to understand what's happening here but in times like this, we must support each others. Why don't we cooperate one more time? I'd also like some clarifications on what's happening?"

Law looked up and the others beside Zoro and Sanji were wondering the same. "Well, Bone-ya is right. We didn't explain anything clearly. The situation is worse than I thought; the pursuit already came for us. I expected Kaido to come for us after we destroyed the SMILE factory but I didn't think something worse would be coming for us…"

At that moment, Usopp, along with the weakest willed guys, started screaming.

"I kneeeeewwww iiit! My dream became true! WE WILLL DIIIIIIIEEEEEE!" Usopp and Chopper were yelling and running around the deck… until…

"What are you talking about?"

Everyone turned at the person who asked this question, which turned out to be most unexpected one, Sanji.

Law turned to him. "What are you saying now? Wasn't it you that said the pursuit came?"

Sanji looked at him with a blank look "I didn't say anything about pursuit…"

At that moment a long, awkward atmosphere came between Law, Zoro and Sanji while the others just looked between Law and Sanji.

"Then what did you say about something being worse than Kaido…"

"Of course, the fact that today is…," Sanji's whole body started to burn as he yelled "one of the most important day to every male, VALENTINE'S DAY!"

"…"

"…"

"WHAT THE HELL?!" cried almost everyone, even Law, beside Luffy who didn't have a clue about what's happening here.

"What? Not my fault if you misunderstood what I said." Sanji told them.

Zoro then yelled, "You said that something worse than Kaido happened! And why the hell something stupid like that is "worse" than Kaido?!"

"I didn't say that Valentine day itself is worse than Kaido! I meant that the fact that I forgot such an important day is the worst thing that happened to me so far recently." Sanji yelled back.

"Say it more clearly next time shitty-eyebrows! We were prepared for the worse a few seconds ago!"

"I don't care!"

As the two went fighting their 1402nd battle the others collapsed on the floor and sighed.

"Sincerely I'm relieved but I would have been better without hearing that huge misunderstanding," Usopp said.

"But your cook has a point," Shachi said. "It's Valentine's day! We have to go at town so that we can have girls offer us chocolates."

Penguin and Brook were agreeing with what he said as they looked dreamily at the sky, imagining girls offering chocolates to them (Brook even imagined girls giving him panties).

As they were dreaming, they heard "I wonder if female bears will give us chocolates." They unconsciously imagined it and it made them fall down.

"THEY WON'T!" they yelled to Bepo.

Bepo suddenly felt depressed and said "Sorry!"

"You're too weak-willed!"

Luffy tilted his head and said "So what? If we go to town, we can have a lot of free chocolates?" He then grinned "Then we must go as soon as possible to get a lot!"

"Although it's the shittiest reason to accept chocolate, I will let it pass today. Not like any girl will give you something though," Sanji said.

Luffy jumped to his feet and yelled "Yosh, we will go to town and get a lot of chocolates!"

"YEAH!" yelled everyone besides Law and Zoro.

Law then yelled "Oi! I already said that we will part ways with Mugiwara-ya now. We don't have time for things like that!"

Shachi and Penguin looked at Law and said "Sorry captain but just for today, we will be part of the Straw-hats Pirates! So today, we only listen to Captain Luffy's orders!"

Law was dumbfounded. "Those traitors."

"I will stay here," Zoro told them. "Not interested in this shit."

"What did you say Marimo?!"

Then Usopp came to Zoro's side and told him something and Zoro smirked evilly. "Change of plans, I will come too."

As soon as he said that, Luffy dragged a reluctant Law with him and everyone walking behind them.

…

Half an hour later at some huge plaza, with a fountain in the middle, hundreds of peoples were passing-by. Many people could recognize the peoples standing near the fountain and many would have feared them. After all, they were all renowned pirates. Yet, most of them were simply giggling as they passed before them. Why? Mostly because of one man standing with them.

"Hey Usopp…," growled the man. "What the hell is this?!"

"What..you..pfttt…ask.." Usopp said while trying hard to not laugh. The others were in the same state as Usopp, beside one overly serious guy.

"I'm talking about the thing you made me hold. I agreed with what you said but I didn't know that I had to do this."

"You don't have the choice…pfftttt…you know…" The green haired man was too much embarrassed to even beat Usopp. "After all Zoro, you only accept a certain variety so it's better to make people know what you want."

"But why am I the only one being this much embarrassed?! Even if you guys don't care about what they give you, the difference between how we're treated is too huge!" Zoro yelled.

"But…pftttt…even if you say that. The thing is that in a sense it suits you too much and in another hand, it just doesn't suit you at all. I think this is what is called the gap in image."

Luffy, Sanji and Brook were already laughing so much that they were kneeling down clutching their stomach, even if Brook doesn't have one. The others just broke down and laughed so hard that it made Zoro's face go red. Law faced a different direction but, if you looked closely, he was slightly trembling.

Zoro was actually standing, in front of everyone, with a basket in his hand and it was written "_Only Whiskey Bonbon please_".

Zoro was thinking,_ "If…Just for instance, if… I don't get anything satisfying before the end of the day, Usopp, sorry but I will take your head." _

Usopp shivered and looked around as if he felt the killing intent of someone. He then shrugged it and started laughing again.

…

Nami and Robin were walking through town while carrying many bags that contains who-know-what in it. As they were talking, Nami spotted something.

"Robin…Isn't that…" She pointed to a certain direction and Robin took a look.

She smiled and said "Let's go see."

…

"This thing is better than Christmas!" Luffy said happily. "You can get all these chocolates for free and without doing anything. Shishishishi."

"HOW THE HELL DO YOU HAVE FIVE TIMES WHAT I GOT?! AND WHY THE HELL DO YOU HAVE FINE WOMEN GIVE YOU CHOCOLATES WHILE I ONLY HAVE OLD WOMEN AND OKAMAS?!" Sanji yelled.

Zoro then said "You're that, you know? A guy who is only popular with housewives. Cooks and pseudo-gentlemen are popular with housewifes. As for okamas,…karma?"

"Shut up, Little Green Hiding Hood!"

"What did you say?!"

Luffy got dozens of chocolates from women, one every two minutes saying he is cute, looks gentle, handsome, innocent or even strong. Zoro got many whiskey bonbons. Not that it made him happy as they were all giggling when they put one in his basket. Brook got as much as Luffy. Though it was mostly from his fans, he was very happy. Franky got a fair share from girls liking his hard boiled style when he said "Don't make a fuss over a few chocolates. You can get any sweet chocolates you want but in the end, you will have only one sweetheart." Law got, unwillingly, half of what Luffy got (he has a bad reputation and is called the "Surgeon of Death" after all) while Usopp, Penguin, Shachi were depressed as they didn't get anything. They even thought that it must be the difference between a leader and his subordinates, before they saw Chopper stuffing his face with twice the amount of chocolates Luffy got. It just made them sink more in the ground.

"Luffy and everyone, what are you doing here?" A voice called them.

"Nami-swaan! Robin-chwaan! I missed you~" Sanji was swirling around them.

"Oh Nami, Robin!" Luffy called. "Look at all these chocolates. The people here are really nice. All this for free."

Robin smiled sweetly while Nami looked a little annoyed…even jealous.

At that moment, a beautiful woman approached Luffy and gave him some chocolates while blushing. The box of the chocolate was really big. Nami now looked pissed.

Luffy thanked her and told her that she is really nice. As the two of them continued talking, Nami's eyes twitched and in no time, she had enough killing intent to kill both the girl and Luffy. She was burning as she looked like Sanji when he used Hell memories. When Law saw her in that state, he thought _"D will surely create another storm… Am I reading too much into it?"_

"You look cute with that basket, Zoro," Robin said.

"I beg you, just don't say anything." He would be humiliated for the rest of his life if this ever comes in the newspaper and he couldn't take her teasing right now.

She smiled as she put a box in his basket. "Well, I hope you will appreciate these."

Zoro smiled and looked at the box. Looks like Usopp won't die tonight after all.

Robin went to Nami's side and whispered "You won't give it to him?"

Nami looked at her and said "I will just put it on that pile of chocolate he got. It won't matter even if he knew I gave him one."

"I know you won't say something that might disturb Luffy's dream but… to Luffy, you're way more important than the girls he just met and got chocolates today. He might not show it but it will mean more than just a free chocolate for him."

Nami smiled and kneeled before Luffy as he was sitting down and eating every chocolate he has got.

"Oh Nami! You want some too!"

She hit his head softly and said "They were given to you. So take responsibility and eat everything."

"OK!"

"By the way…" Nami took an orange box and shoved it in his face. "That's my present. Since it was a good opportunity, I thought could buy you something once in a while. It's cheap so there is no problem for the cash."

Luffy grinned. "Thanks Nami! I will keep it for later." He put it in his pocket and Nami grinned back to him.

Robin chuckled as she thought about the efforts Nami put in making them. She tried many times, until she was satisfied with the taste, when she could have just bought something cheap.

"By the way, Zoro, are you sure you don't want to wear a green hood?" asked Robin.

"NO WAY!... Actually, if it can cover my face then I've got no problem."

**So what did you think of this one-shot? I actually can't believe I made something without a kiss or a hug or even a blush! I almost pulled an all nighter to finish this so now I'm really tired. It was mostly humor and I tried to make it as funny as I imagined it but this is my limit as a writer. **


End file.
